Do you ever feel like there is a battle going on inside of you? Like you are being pulled in so many different directions and one day you might just rip apart from all of the pulling? I feel like that today. I have received direction from my Heavenly Father, and even though to others looking in from the outside, it seems irresponsible and illogical, I know that I do not answer to them. I know that He wants His power to be evident. Things that I could not accomplish myself can be accomplished through Him, but yet my stupid sin nature won't leave me alone. The enemy tries to take over and says, "This is not the best option. This is not going to work. This is impossible." But my God, who has filled my heart with wonder and my soul with hope says, "You are mine. No, you cannot accomplish this on your own, but you can accomplish all things through me. I have the power, you follow me. Not the other way around." And so I fight. I fight against the world that says He can't, I fight against the enemy in my head trying to distract and worry me. I fight against myself and the nature of the sin that lives within me.
Some days are easy, I can see the future clearly and He gives peace that passes understanding and my path is set. Other days are more difficult and I feel doubt creeping in, but I can feel Jesus in front of me and behind me beckoning me forward to follow Him no matter the cost, and I remember that my salvation doesn't have anything to do with logic, it defies worldly logic.
His Word says that those who believe without seeing are blessed, and that He will never fail me. So, if I can believe so strongly that Jesus is my Savior who rose from the dead and has saved me from eternal damnation, then I must also believe that His ways are best. Therefore, my "choices" must follow where He leads.
And so I battle.